No answers or reasons

I wrote this two years ago, after somewhat processing that he no longer shared this Earth with me.

I miss you bhai, your laugh, your smile, your kind heart. May you be roaming around the universe, free-spirited, as you always did here.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, reality is the quality or state of being real. It’s seemingly quite an easy definition to understand, however, reality is quite difficult to grasp, comprehend, and sometimes even accept. Though fairly easy to define, it’s often times subject to debate.  Things that seem obviously real to some of us may not be so real or obvious to others. One could conclude that this disparity is particularly due to reality’s dependency on an individual’s perception.
To an anorexic her starving-skin-stretched-over-bones body is still fat, to a small boy the playground is a world of adventures, and to a young-virginal-heart love is filled with bubbly-happiness that consumes it.  Yet reality is not always correlated to our perception, most of the time it’s is a beam of amalgamations of events or situations that, when they cross our prism-like perception, it breaks into the many facets that intricately compose its structure.  At times we may perceive only one facet of reality -we tend to go with what we prefer over what is-. By the same token, reality can hit us like a bucket of ice-cold water, undoubtedly clear; yet, we are still incapable of fully understanding it.  This is when reality becomes surreal as if it was covered by a blurry veil that inhibits our perception to begin grasping its surroundings.  All the facets that would make up a particular situation are not perceived correctly -even after it has taken place-, hence we are left in a wraith-like state; incapable of co-existing with what somehow has become a hazy reality. Interactions with other people in this state are rather dream-like and slippery, yet somehow, they become permanent.  The last 72 hours have been spent in a dull veil of pain, a great heart left a void on this Earth.  The world has hardly noticed -somehow life/reality keeps going, though at times it would make sense if it would just stop- and I find myself questioning if all of this is real. I suppose that the fact that things don’t seem to change, day in and day out we keep facing the same situation, is what gradually -among it all- allows reality to settle in. No matter how many times we question why we don’t find answers, we don’t understand the reason. It is what it is, all we can do is try to accept the reality of things.

I want to dedicate my blog today to a very dear and unique individual, someone I was lucky enough to call brother; though we were genetically distant, our bond as a family grew effortlessly.  This family bond we had was not due to me -I’m socially awkward and weird when it comes to dealing with people-, that’s just the type of person my bhai (brother in blangla) was.  He was gifted with charisma, an unbelievable talent to start a conversation with strangers -who quickly became friends-, a unique and overly positive disposition to help both kin and foe. And a smile that somehow explained everything.  He wasn’t afraid of greeting people, he wasn’t afraid of interacting with others, and he never held a grudge even towards those who were unfair to him.  In my opinion that is such a brave, cherish-able and admirable trait.
I have yet to meet someone as pure, loving, care-free, car-obsessed, reckless, honest person, and I doubt I ever will.  He was one of those rare individuals that hardly seem human; a misfit of the world, mainly because of his heart of gold.  Quite truthfully, calling him human would limit him in a way that only humans can be limited.  Most of us have this hesitation when it comes to helping others, somehow, we always measure the outcome prior to helping. Not my bhai, he was always ready to help -even if he was incapable of doing so-.  I even came to suspect that the word “no” did not find itself in his vocabulary.  

Was he perfect? No, he wasn’t perfect, perhaps that is the only trait that made him human. Regardless of the mistakes that he made -like any of us do-, at the end of the day, his smile summarized the goodness that characterized him.  This was so vividly noticeable that people were simply enchanted by him, it was difficult not to love him, even when he pissed you off, his smile would melt your heart and you couldn’t not love him.

Good-bye, bhai you leave us behind in a world that didn’t know how to keep you, I know you are -as you always did- taking care of all of us. You have shown us so much love, compassion, and patience, it is now our turn to pick up from where you left off.  I can only try to be able to hold only a fraction of your love for people, your understanding, and disposition to help, even in the strangest of situations.  Whenever I smile at someone, I will do it in your name, whenever I meet people I will think of you and try to show them my best self so I can be there for them as you always were.  I will honor you and remember you by following your example, by being patient and caring with others. I will do my best to always keep a smile on my face, even when people or situations are not kind in return.  Thank you for being a part of my life, thank you for your example, thank you for always being there.  May you rest in eternal peace, you have earned that much and more.

Until we meet again bhai.


Alcuni pensieri

missejjessim View All →

An incurable passion for writing; a poet and storyteller​ at heart. I am a writer on the road.

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